Self-empowerment

It is easy to get caught up in your emotions and feel like you are loosing control.  Whether you feel like you are loosing control of a specific situation or your life, you need to realize you have the ability to influence your future through the decisions you make.  You have the ability to take control and manage your emotions, feelings and the way you think and act.

Maybe you are thinking, what is she talking about?  I am talking about self-empowerment.  Self-empowerment comes from within your inner being, soul, mind, feelings, and thoughts.  We have the power to change the way we think, feel, and act and are in control of choosing what you envision for yourself.  I know it sounds easier said than done, but like everything else in life, change takes time and dedication.  Only you can be accountable for yourself and your responses to life's situations. 

When you can accept responsibility for what you think, you can influence the way you feel and act.  For example, lets say you are running late to work, your alarm never went off, you lost your keys and you are angry at the world.  If you choose to think, "I am late for work, today is not my day and it is going to be a crappy" then more than likely the rest of the day will be crappy and you may feel irritable, angry or sad.  If you change the way you think and choose to think, "I am late for work and there is nothing I can do to change it but I have the rest of the day ahead of me," then you are setting yourself up to have a good day and will generate positive feelings.  Our minds are powerful in generating positive and negative emotions and you are in control.    
Accepting responsibility can be challenging but is key in becoming empowered and recognizing that you are in control.  Our responses to our experiences help determine our futures and the decisions we make today.  Responsibility means overcoming fear, the unknown, and learning new ways to think, feel and act to create the life you want for yourself.

The beauty of life is the journey we go through and realizing that you have a choice!  You can choose how you want to cope with life’s challenges in either a positive or negative way.  If you choose to respond to life's challenges negatively then you are choosing to experience negative feelings of anxiety, fear, and sadness.  If you choose to respond to life's challenges positively then you choose to experience happiness and empowered.  Becoming empowered allows us to personally grow, experience happiness and peace of mind.

The purpose of this blog is to start generating your own thoughts about how you think, feel and act and how you can take control of your life, become self-empowered and influence the future you envision for yourself.  Life is too short, take action and make changes today!

Ask yourself:

• Am I holding myself accountable and responsible for the way I think, feel and act?
• How can I change the way I think, feel and act?
• What do I envision for myself? 
• What outcomes do I want in life?
• What are my goals?
• What do I need to do to achieve my goals?

"The lack of action is not a result of depression; it is the cause.  And inactivity is most often a choice rather than an inescapable factor of life.  Action is also a sure-fire way to avoid being victimized by yourself and others.  If you decide to do something about your problem, than grumble about it, you'll be on the road to changing things around for yourself."  -Dr. Wayne Dyer
 

Stages of Divorce

Divorce can be a long and exhausting process.  Anyone one experiencing a separation or divorce (whether it is you, children or other family members) may feel an array of emotions as one progresses through the various stages of divorce.  Similarly to the stages of grief and loss, divorce also has stages.
Essentially, divorce is a loss, so mixed emotions come into the picture.  Divorce is unique for each individual and everyone deals with their emotions differently.  The goal is to learn how to cope with your emotions during the different stages in a healthy way.  You may not have control over getting a divorce but you do have control over the way you manage your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Stages of Divorce

Stage 1: Shock and disbelief: you may feel numb or deny the fact that the marriage is over       

• Initially you may be shocked and have a difficult time facing the reality of  what just happened.
• You may struggle with your self-esteem and inadequacy (how do you feel about yourself), you may think what did you do wrong, or may choose to blame your spouse.
• A challenging part of this stage is telling your friends and family what happened.  You may feel ashamed and emotionally exhausted.  You are already going through intense emotions and then you have to hear other's opinions.                
• Suggestion: It is always Important to get support and help from family and friends.  Family and friends can help listen to you and provide you support to help manage your emotions and the challenges ahead.

 Stage 2: Initial adjustment: the individual or families ability to actively adapt to this new change

• Functioning and responsibly: it may be challenging to do day to day activities because you are emotionally exhausted and dealing with the chaos that surrounds the divorce process.  You may be trying to figure out how additional responsibilities will be handled (i.e. addressing custody and when each parent will have the children, or who will drive the children to their different activities).
• Practical reality: ensuring both financial and emotional stability for yourself and children.  Whatever that may be, you can only do your best.
• Legal matters: financial, deciding who lives where, selling or sustaining a house, custody of children, etc.
• Managing emotions can be challenging in this stage:  trying to figure out how your life and family is going to change while experiencing various emotions (sadness, guilt, shame, anger, anxious, frustration, confusion, desperate).
• Suggestion: Make sure you are taking care of yourself.  Eating healthy, exercising, breathing, talking with family and friends.  Anything that makes you lifts your spirits!

Stage 3: Active reorganization

• Lifestyle and practical affairs: how you live and manage your life from this day forward.  You can't go back and change the divorce.  Where do you want to go from here?  
• Reconstructing personal values and disbeliefs and finding meaning in your life.  It is challenging, but its time for you to figure out your goals and what envision for yourself and family.  The only way things change is by taking action.  "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten." ~Anthony Robbins 
• Addressing relationships and relationship issues
• Concluding legal procedures (child custody, finances, potential emotional consequences for yourself and children).                                                   

 Stage 4: Life re-formation

• Constructing new relationships (dating again and looking for companionship).
• Developing new interests to keep yourself busy and use as a positive outlet.  Think of a hobby you use to do (dance, art, music, journaling, working out) and do it!  Take Action!
• Personal responsibility: you are in control of your life and future.  What do you want to make of it?  
• Accepting your new life and valuing it each day!  You may look back and reflect on the divorce but you got through the challenging times.  

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” ~Anthony Robbins

Simple ways to help you manage your emotions:

• Exercise/Meditation/Breath
• Get involved in a divorce support group or individual therapy
• Enjoy an activity you love
• Seek support from family and friends
• Reflect on what your goals are and make them happen: what do you envision for yourself and your future.  What can you do to create your future and achieve your goals?