Taking the Plunge: Embarking on a Journey of Self-Discovery

Typically, clients to see me in hopes of learning how to manage anxiety and/or depression. They often come in search of learning some new coping tools or strategies to help remedy whatever symptoms they may be experiencing that cause them distress. While tools can be a helpful temporary fix, they might not always be the solution to issues that are more deeply rooted and stubborn.

In my work I have found that when clients allow themselves to becomes vulnerable and really take an unfiltered look at themselves in the metaphorical mirror, that's when changes truly begin and the magic happens. While symptoms of anxiety and depression may occasionally arise as a result of increased stress and/or situational factors, often times nagging and persistent symptoms may be a result of more deeply rooted insecurities or conflicts we may not have dealt with or may not even be fully aware of.

As a result, I have found that clients who are patient and courageous enough to take the time to go on a journey of self-discovery not only work through their anxious and depressive symptoms, but they also come out of the counseling experience with a more self-aware and enlightened view of themselves and who they are personally, professionally, romantically, etc. Giving yourself permission to work on what may seem like a Pandora’s box of worries and insecurities may actually lead to a series of transformations and growth which may benefit you in a multitude of aspects in life.

I work diligently in tandem with clients to create an open and trusting environment where my clients feel comfortable enough to process and reflect on the most intimate aspects of their thoughts, emotions, and lives. During sessions, no topics are off limits and exploration is highly encouraged; this includes the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Clients sometimes even divulge information they may have never spoken to anyone about previously. This takes a lot of trust, vulnerability, and courage, but discussing experiences, emotions, thoughts, and worries with an objective third party observer may lead to transformative growth that may surprise you.

What I love most about going on this journey of self-discovery with my clients is seeing light bulbs go off- where clients suddenly realize something about themselves that completely shifts their perspective and enlightens how they feel about themselves and their life experiences. Seeing growth firsthand and being trusted enough to go on these intimate journeys with clients speaks to what life is truly about: living, learning, and growing, and I love every minute of it!

Sometimes we just get stuck in life. We know we don't feel like our usual selves, and we may have a hard time placing what it is that we're exactly experiencing. If this is the case for you, or if you're just interested in learning about yourself and growing as an individual, feel free to reach out to me and make an appointment to start working on living a more introspective, meaningful, and balanced life.

Written by: Lana Rukavina, LPC

Training your brain to love your flaws: Using cognitive dissonance to your advantage

If you’ve ever taken a psychology class, the term “cognitive dissonance” might sound familiar. It is the discomfort an individual feels when they believe two concepts, values, or thoughts that directly contradict one another. This discomfort can also be felt if an individual does something that contradicts their own values. For example, if Suzy thinks she is a good person but she made fun of someone, then she might feel some sort of personal mental discomfort, because her action contradicted her belief about herself.

To cope with this sense of discomfort, many of us might try to rationalize our actions so as not to be out of line with how we think of ourselves. For example, Suzy might say that the person she was making fun of was being mean to her earlier, and therefore he “deserved it.” In thinking this way, Suzy might feel better about herself, despite having made fun of him.

It’s really a very interesting concept, if you think about it. Our brain tries to self-correct our own way of thinking so we can get back “in line” with our beliefs if we ever “fall out” of line.

Okay, psychology review/lesson over. Now, how can we use this to our advantage?

Whether you have low self-esteem in general or there’s just one, two, (or a handful) of things you don’t like about yourself, you might have the conscious or unconscious thought: “I really hate my ____.” Perhaps you even think this thought every time you see this feature on yourself, so the message is pretty engrained in your brain. The good news is, we have power to change our thoughts using thought stopping techniques, and thanks to cognitive dissonance, we have the power to change how we feel about things.

Here’s how: Let’s say Suzy has freckles and she hates them. Every day she looks in the mirror and thinks “I really hate my freckles.” One day Suzy wakes up an decides that she doesn’t want to hate her freckles anymore, so she employs some thought stopping techniques—anytime she has a negative thought about her freckles, she says “STOP” out loud, and instead, replaces that thought with a new one: “I really love my freckles.” She does this every day until she no longer has negative thoughts about her freckles, and when she sees them, she continues to think “I really love my freckles.” Eventually, the new thought is the one “burned” in her brain, and the old one is no more.

Right now you might be thinking, “okay, but where does cognitive dissonance come into play?” When Suzy first started the thought stopping and introducing the new thought, her brain had two conflicting messages: “I hate my freckles” and “I really love my freckles.” Because of cognitive dissonance, Suzy’s brain is really scrambling, because it can’t possibly believe the two contradictory thoughts at the same time. When Suzy continues to repeat the message “I really love my freckles” over and over again, her brain has to change its wiring to cope with the uncomfortable feelings it experiences by having the two contradictory thoughts. To put itself back “in line” with the new thoughts it is being bombarded with (“I really love my freckles”), Suzy’s brain starts to have more positive feelings about her freckles.

Perhaps the long explanation sounds confusing and makes the matter more complicated, but the basic message is this: If we introduce a new, positive message in our brain that contradicts an old, negative message we have, with enough repetition our brain will begin to believe the new message.

Be patient with yourself in trying this. Remember that repetition of the new and positive message is key. Eventually your brain will start to adjust to—and accept—the new message, while pushing the old one out. This is because the two conflicting messages can’t both be accepted by your brain at the same time, and your brain will be forced to start agreeing with the message you are repeating every day.

Happy brain rewiring!

By: Lauren Buetikofer, LPC

Coping with Back to School Stress

The time has finally come. Summer is officially over and you are probably in denial that it is time to head back to school. Where did the time go? Did you do everything you said you were going to do over the summer? Do you feel like you made the best use of your time on your days off? These are all questions you may be thinking about when the summer has come to an end.

Heading back to school after being off for a long period of time can present various challenges, thoughts and emotions. Going back to school can be exciting, anxiety provoking and a stressful time for children, teens and parents. Getting back into a scheduled routine can present challenges. Getting up early, prepping lunches, making sure homework is complete on top of doing all of your daily tasks, working and so forth. One recommendation is to use a calendar. Whether it is paper or on your phone, it is essential to get organized and know everyone's schedules and deadlines. Staying organized helps eliminate stress and prevents you from running around like a crazy person trying to get everything ready. Don't be afraid to ask for help from another parent, grandparent or even your children if they are of an appropriate age to help. Most kids can make their own lunches and check to make sure they have their homework and books they need for school.

Take one day at a time. I know, easier said then done. We tend to look at the huge list of things we need to do instead of taking one task at a time. The more we think about all the things we need to do the more stressed and anxious we become. Take each task, focus on it and if those irrational thoughts keep popping in your head that you will "never get all of this done", do thought stopping. Stop the thought in its track and reframe your thought by reminding yourself that you have to get through your current task before you can move on to the next one. Getting overwhelmed and worried that you won't get it all done takes up more time then if you would have started the task in the first place.

Maybe you have figured out your whole scheduling routine and are managing your endless task list. Lets shift the focus to our children and teens and how they are coping with back to school stress. What if you or your child/teen is struggling with the transition beyond the normal transitional time period and is having a difficult time adjusting? Listen to your child. Listen to what they are thinking and feeling and validate their emotions. Acknowledge that going back to school can trigger various emotions of excitement, anxiety, or fear. Empathize with them what they are experiencing and provide support for them during the transition. It is also important to find a solution with your child to help them transition effectively. For example, if your child is struggling with separation anxiety and misses you during the day. Do a craft together that reminds them of you or send your child with a picture and let them know that you are always with them even if not present. As parents we are here to help our children grow and overcome difficult challenges and times in their lives. If you feel like your child is really struggling beyond the transitional time period, is experiencing anxiety that is disrupting their functioning at school or home, have them assessed by a counselor to identify what is going on and what helpful tools and techniques your child can learn to help the adjust smoothly and enjoy their overall school experience.

Time Balance

As a therapist, I’m always surprised and slightly amused anytime someone I know is taken aback by my own human struggles. If I’m stressed, feeling down, or feel out of control, my friends seem amazed that something “like that” could “happen to you,” as if being a therapist means that I am impenetrable to the woes of everyday life. Let me be the first to tell you that I have ups and downs like everyone else, and that while I may have an arsenal of coping skills in my toolbox to help me manage, I am still subject to having problems.

Most recently, I’ve had a run-in with one of my most common hang-ups, which has inspired me to write this post and to share with you all: how to achieve balance in your everyday life.

When I get into something, it’s not unusual for me to get really into it, to the point where it’s all I’ve spent my time on and everything else has fallen by the wayside. Most recently, I’ve gotten into a project that I’ve been having so much fun working on, but it has been all-consuming of my time and energy, and important to-do’s began to take a backseat. It was when my husband offered to do laundry that I realized I needed a reality check, and get myself back on track of my everyday life, chores, and responsibilities.

Below I’ve compiled a list of things to try to restore balance in your life, if you ever find yourself “off kilter.”

1.     Don’t spend too much time on any one thing: again, this is my first and biggest problem. I spend hours working on one thing, which more than likely turns into days, and sometimes even weeks. When you spend so much time doing one thing, other things you normally do aren’t a priority, and then they just don’t get done. My correction? Switch things up. Set a reasonable time limit ahead of time, and stick to it. If I want to work on a project, I’ll set aside one hour to do it, and stop myself at one hour (otherwise six hours go by and I’m still working on it). When your time is up, go do something else, but again, set a time limit for that. If you have hard time staying on track, set a timer or alarm, and stick to it.

2.     Find equality between work and play. You know the saying about how all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? Use your vacation time! Don’t put in more work, time, and energy than you need to, especially if it isn’t being appreciated. If you spent six hours on a free day doing yardwork, balance it out with some time doing something you enjoy- maybe 30 minutes of a favorite TV show, engaging in a favorite hobby, etc. Oppositely, make sure you have some work between your play, too. Don’t spend 10 hours a day playing a video game when you’ve got homework or other responsibilities that also need your attention.

3.     Make goals for yourself. I’m a big proponent of goal setting, even if it’s “what I want to accomplish before the end of the day,” because it gives me direction and something to keep track of throughout the day, so my priorities don’t get away from me. On a bigger level, make a list of things you love doing and make a list of the things you spend your time doing. Adjust accordingly so that more of what you love is what you spend your time doing.

4.     Break away from your attachments. I’m not saying abandon your jobs, family, and friends. If you find yourself overly “attached” to something, take a break from it. If you’re on your phone or social media all the time, take an hour break from it, and focus on something else that has nothing to do with technology or social media. Go for a walk, play with your dog or kids, or get together with a friend.

5.     Know that it’s okay to say “no.” This one can be hard, but if your schedule is overrun with things you have to do for other people and you have no time for yourself, then start saying “no” where you can. “Can you help with this bake sale?” “No. I’m sorry, I’d really love to help but I can’t this time.” Your “no” doesn’t always have to be followed by an excuse, but if you feel like you need to provide your reasoning, keep it short and sweet and don’t feel guilty for prioritizing you and your needs.

6.     Write things down. If you have a hard time staying organized or prioritizing your to-do’s, write them down. It’s so hard to keep track of everything in our head sometimes that certain things fall by the wayside. Writing them down allows us to not have to rely on our memories.

7.     Try new things. If you’re stuck in a rut with your days, look for a new hobby. Join a new social group, or meet up with some old friends. Try a new TV, plant a garden, or volunteer somewhere nearby. If you expose yourself to new opportunity, you might find something new to be excited about.

These are things that I do to restore balance in my life when I feel things are a little too “one sided.” By having a balanced life, you may find yourself happier, to have more energy, and more motivation to get things done. What are some other ways you find balance in your life? Happy Balancing!

By: Lauren Buetikofer,, MA, LPC