Self-Love

 It’s officially February, meaning that wherever you look there are big red hearts, Valentine’s Day sale emails, flowers, candy aisles, and CHOCOLATE! During this season, there is so much emphasis on our love for those we care about, but what about you? When is the time to give yourself love and appreciate who you are as a person? If you ask me, it should be every day. So often, we forget about filling our own cup and loving who we see reflected back at us in the mirror.

We live in a world where the marketing industry floods your social media feeds with posed questions that make you question yourself. There are influencers advertising what they hated about themselves that was corrected by product A and how for only $89.99 a month, you can fix it too. We take this information back to the mirror with us and sometimes become more aware of the “flaws” instead of what we love about ourselves.

Society has also tried to market self-love and self-care, coining the term “Treat Yourself” to make you overindulge in things and possibly lead you to another stressor, financial debt.  Self-love and self-care may sometimes be big things, but it needs to be within reason. Loving and taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be the big chore that society may make it appear to be. Many times, I’ll ask clients in an initial session what Self-love and Self-Care practices they use, if any. I get a wide variety of responses: Luxurious bubble baths, shopping sprees, vacations, hair and nails, etc. When I think of some of the responses, I follow up with the question “So how does this relax you or make you feel loved?” Some have answers, others struggle and say it works in the moment but then causes stress. For those that say it stresses them out, they justify that these things cost a lot of money, take a while to plan, they don’t have the time, or they even feel guilty for taking time for themselves when they have so many other people to take care of or items on their agenda. That’s where I come in.

Self-love and self-care does not have to be a chore. You are not wrong for filling up your own cup with love for yourself. You deserve the same rest as you would hope your loved ones take. Something about me is I love to travel, so I am very familiar with the safety presentations before takeoff. The part that always stand out is “Please apply your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” Now apply that same practice to self-love and self-care. You have to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally before you can fully be there for another person. I am here to provide you with some ideas on how to do this so you can be fulfilled in this season of your life and learn some skills to take throughout the rest of your life.

Self-Love

Self-love is defined as “The regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”. Take a moment to think about when the last time was that you thought about your own well-being and happiness. When was it? Last week? Before you had kids? Maybe you have gone through life only thinking about how to take care of others and their happiness. Self-love is very important. You are worthy and deserving of love, and this love does not have to come from another person. Here are some techniques you can personally use to practice self-love in your daily life.

Journaling

Sometimes when life gets busy or stressful, we lose sight of ourselves. Journaling is a great way to reconnect with yourself. The following are a few prompts one can use.

All About you

Write about what you know about yourself in regards to the following categories: I am…, I have…, I love…, My strengths…, My pet peeves…, I aspire to.., and I admire my…

Doing this exercise can help you explore parts about yourself that you may have lost sight of. Remind yourself who you are and fall in love with that person. If negative thoughts appear, consider tracking the thoughts so you can explore them with your therapist.

Self-Reflection

Pick a couple of the prompts listed. Focus on the positive aspects of yourself and reflect on the special parts that make you, you.

·       What does happiness mean to you?

·       What are my best qualities?

·       How can you feel more fulfilled in your life?

·       What is your favorite physical characteristic that you have?

·       What do you love about your personality?

·       What are 10 things guaranteed to make you smile?

·       What is a moment that made you feel proud of yourself?

Be your own Best Friend

Consider the negative things you tell yourself. Sometimes we can be really mean to ourselves. Now, think about telling your best friend the negative things you tell yourself. Maybe it’s “You look awful today”, “Everyone will notice how gross your hair looks”, “No one likes you.”, etc. It can be unfathomable to even think about saying that to a friend, so why do we say it to ourselves and think it’s ok? For this prompt, talk to yourself how your best friend would talk to you. For the negative things you tell yourself, write about what your best friend would counter with.

Affirmations

Another way to express Self-love is through speaking kindly to yourself and being your own cheerleader. Many times, we get trapped in a negative cycle of picking on ourselves. We are our own worst critic, so change it. This practice may take time to work as it may take repetition in order for you to truly believe what you are telling yourself. Look up some self-love affirmations. Some examples are: “I am beautiful”, “I am worthy of love”, “I am caring”, “I deserve to relax”, “I love myself unconditionally”, and “I am enough just as I am”. Add this practice to your daily routine. One way to implement this is putting up post-it notes of affirmations on your mirror or planner. Another way is to verbalize these affirmations while driving, taking a shower, doing your hair, etc.

Implement Positive Habits

Lack of self-love can often spiral from negative behaviors. You may hate that you’re always late, so practice leaving earlier. Maybe you hate sitting at home, so find something that you find enjoyable that gets you out of the house. You may feel sluggish or weak, so try to implement a diet rich in nutrition and try to move your body at least a half hour each day. If you don’t like something, then try to change it so you get the result you actually want. Find fulfillment in being your own hero and solving common issues you may encounter throughout your day. A book I strongly recommend about building lasting positive goals and habits in life is called “Atomic Habits” By James Clear.

With all of these ideas, start small. The trick to forming a habit is making it manageable. Like I expressed earlier, practices of self-love do not have to be extravagant in order to be useful. Take small steps to where you want to go. Maybe start by picking one journal prompt each week. Or start getting up from your desk every couple hours to stretch, walk around, or get some sunshine. Progressively build your self-love practices into your daily routine so you can be more confident in who you are.

 Written By: Ashley Treder, MS, LPC